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Do your kids whine? These steps will help you win the war on
whining!
Michelle Shelton
“I waaaannnnnnttt soooome candeeeee mameeeee.” The girl drew out
her words in a long whiny voice as I stood in line at the grocery
store.
“No Susie, you can’t have any candy and quit that whining!” Her
mother snapped.
“But I waaannnnt sommme. I waaannnnt some candeeeee.” Came
Susie’s whiny reply.”
“Ugh! I can’t stand that whining Susie, stop it!” Again the
obviously frustrated mother snapped at her child.
The child didn’t seem to notice her mothers angry voice and
although the mother seemed truly annoyed I was absolutely
astonished when the mother grabbed a couple of candy bars and
threw them in her basket as she said, “there, you have the candy,
NOW will you stop whining?”
Have you ever seen this happen or worse yet, maybe you are the
parent giving in to a whiny child? Yikes!
There are a few things that you must know about whining before
you can stop it.
First. Whining comes in many forms. Did you know rolling of eyes,
slouching shoulders, heavy sighing, and basic bad attitude can be
considered whining? That’s right! You must know that kids will
use whatever works to get their way. If you are like the woman in
the grocery store and give in to your child’s whining, the child
will use it again and again because quite frankly, it worked!
Susie got just what she wanted. The mother was so annoyed by the
whiny voice that she was willing to give in to what her child
wanted just to shut her up. This is a short-term solution to a
long-term problem. If you reward bad behavior, you invite more!
The more you cater to whining. The more whining you will get.
So what can you do when your child whines? Because your child
will whine! A plan of action is a must! I can honestly tell you
that my children rarely whine. Oh, they still make jabs at it but
they use it less frequently because they know it doesn’t work.
Why? Because we don’t allow it! When they start talking to me in
a whiny voice, I give them a dazed and confused look and say,
“Wow, I know you said something but my ears don’t hear whining. I
really wish I knew what you were trying to say to me but my ears
only hear what is said in a nice voice. Your voice is whiny and I
can’t understand it. If you take a deep breath and say it again
in a nice voice, I might be able to help you out.”
Often time, as adults, we use words that kids don’t understand.
As a parent you really must become child-like in your speech. And
I don’t mean baby talk. I simply mean that if you say a word that
your child may not understand, you have to define the word to the
child. I define the word “whine” by telling them it is a crummy
voice and that they need to talk in a nice voice. I then
demonstrate by talking in a nice voice. I would always instruct
them to take a deep breath and try again in the same type of nice
voice. This often leads to more whining with rolling of eyes.
Stick to your guns and point out their bad behavior and even if
they talk in a nice voice, while they are rolling their eyes, it
is still whining! Make them say it again without rolling their
eyes!
When my children saw that the whiny voice didn’t work for them
the way it worked for the neighbor girl, they were on to develop
new talents at getting what they want. After all, the one thing
as a parent that you have to realize is, it’s your kids’ job to
get what they want. There is always a battle of the wants. They
want this. You want that! You are the adult so you have to be
clever and creative and give them direction without it becoming a
war of the wills. Always attempt to create a win/win situation
and give them the power to change their behavior. Remember
though, your kids are creative too so you have to be a step ahead
of them all the time.
When my kids were very little, we had a whining chair. If they
whined, they had to sit there. I would make sure that once they
were in the whining chair that I went into another room and left
them. I would instruct them that they could get up when they were
ready to talk in a nice voice, or not roll their eyes, heavy
sigh, etc. Again, make sure you always give them charge of their
own behavior. Part of that, is letting them decide how long they
maintain their poor behavior. Some kids will straighten right up
and other, more stubborn kids will sit there for a day, just to
show you! This is why you leave the room and act as if you don’t
care how long they stay in the chair. The stubborn kid wants your
attention, even if it is negative, so he will stay in the chair
and whine, make noise, act out and anything else that will draw
attention to him. He won’t stay in the chair very long if you are
not there to watch!
The number one thing you can do to curb whining is, listen to
yourself! Do you heavy sigh, roll your eyes, drop your shoulders
and scoff when you are asked to do something by your child, a
friend, family member, or spouse? If so, YOU are a bad example!
Do YOU talk in a whiny voice? Ouch. I know this hurts, but
remember, you have to BE the change you want to see in your kids
because they will be what you ARE!
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