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How To Deal With Temper Tantrums
Copyright © 2005 Barb Desmarais
There aren’t a whole lot of behaviors that test our patience as
a parent more than temper tantrums. If we’re over tired, over
schedule, or over worked, it’s often the last thing we want to
have to deal with. Some children have them on occasion but many
children have them regularly.
Generally speaking there are three different circumstances that
bring on tantrums. One is when a child doesn’t get her way so
she has a tantrum until she gets what she wants. The second is
when a child is over stimulated and/or over tired and she simply
can’t cope any more and the smallest thing will send her over the
edge. The third type of tantrum is when a child wakes up from a
nap and suddenly falls into a temper tantrum. I’ve experienced
all three with my children.
When a child has a temper tantrum to get what she/he wants and we
give in, we are essentially teaching him that that is the way to
get what you want. Often we find ourselves saying: “Ok, but
this is the LAST ONE!” or “Ok, here, have it.” We become
desperate to stop the screaming so the easiest thing to do is to
give in. The more we give in, the more we can be assured that in
situations where children are trying to get something, we will
experience more and more tantrums because they’ve learned from
our actions that they work. If we say no and stick to our word,
they soon learn that crying and screaming gets them nowhere. The
important thing is to be consistent and to tell yourself that not
giving in will pay off enormously in the long run.
The second type of tantrum is when a child is hungry, over tired,
or over stimulated. We’ll often see children fall apart late in
the afternoon. It’s at these times we need to review if we should
have maybe gone out only once instead of several times, or had
several small snacks available throughout the day instead of
expecting our child to wait until meal times to eat. It’s my
belief that most young children benefit from a quiet time
everyday, even after they’ve grown out of naps. Also, too much
stimulation for some children can do more harm than good. Be
aware of how much your child can handle. In the meantime,
humor often works well and is a good distraction. Under no
circumstances though should a child be allowed to hurt anyone
or destroy property.
The third type of tantrum is when children are waking from a nap
and have difficulty making the transition from sleep. They often
become confused and disoriented which is upsetting. In this
situation, it is best just to understand what’s happening and to
be in close proximity. Sometimes all you can do is let them go
through it until they calm down.
If we as parents are well rested and our own needs are being met,
we’re much better equipped for most things that come our way,
including temper tantrums.
Barb Desmarais
Parenting and Life Coach
Give your children your best so that they can become their best.
web site:
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
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