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Romance In Relationships
Rekindling the Romance
No matter who told you the facts of life, I’ll bet they left out
one: Intimacy becomes more difficult when you become a parent.
Let me rephrase that. It doesn’t become more difficult. It takes
more time and energy--two resources in short supply when you are
juggling kids and careers.
The key experts say, lies in forming and maintaining habits to
last you all your days…habits regarding attention, commitment,
spontaneity, and communication.
Attention
All the demands on our lives can push romance out, and since your
spouse is by your side each morning and again at night, it’s easy
to take him for granted. The relationship goes on the backburner
while you worry about paying the bills or getting the kids to
soccer practice on time.
The fact is, a good marriage requires an investment of time and
energy. There are no shortcuts and there is no way to avoid it.
So, the best way to improve your marriage is to get to it. To
quote from a wise old country song: “[Love] isn’t something
that you have, it’s something that you do.
Make the choice to treat your husband like a king…the way you
treated him before you said “I do.” Cultivate those butterflies
you used to feel when the phone rang and you hoped it was him.
Make your relationship a priority. If necessary, use your daily
calendar to remind yourself. Hold those kisses for five seconds.
Use any excuse to touch him. Pretend you are having an affair
with him. Surprise him now and then with a suggestive note or
email.
Greet him at the door with a smile and a kiss. This advice isn’t
as outdated and “1950s” as it sounds, if you pay attention to
your husband not because you have to, but because you want him to
know he is an important part of your life and your day.
Get away with your spouse. Most marriage counselors recommend
planning a date with your spouse once each week. Send the kids to
the neighbor’s house. Then, create a mood with dimmed lights and
candles (candlelight is so flattering). Put on some soft music
and open a bottle of wine.
Or leave the house. Day dates are great, particularly if you have
a special evening routine with the kids. It’s easier to find a
sitter. Meals are less expensive, and you can enjoy more
recreational activities than dinner-and-a-movie.
Commitment
There is an ebb and flow to marriages, experts say. Every
marriage must endure days when you wake up next to your spouse
and aren’t sure you want to be there, so every marriage must also
have a commitment that says you are together for life. Period.
Spontaneity
Spontaneity is the first thing to fly out the window when you
have children, but it’s fun to break the routine once in a while.
And it will put spark back in your relationship. For new ideas on
lovemaking and romancing your spouse, check out the titles at
right.
Communication
It’s no secret that women love to talk. Some marriage counselors
even call it foreplay. And open lines of communication are one of
the best ways to circumvent marriage problems.
If you’re angry, cool off, then talk it out. Make a promise never
to lay your head on the pillow while you’re angry. You’re sleep
will suffer, and so will your relationship.
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of several books for women
and founder of the award-winning Momscape.com, a website designed
to help busy women find balance. Visit http://www.momscape.com
today and get Susie's *free* course-by-email "6 Days to Less Stress."
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