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Relate With Your Teen and Gain Their Trust
Tammy Pinarbasi
We were all teens at one time for some many years ago even if we
don't like to admit it. Many of us can look back and say our teen
years were good, but with many ups and downs as we approached
adulthood. Some of us maybe were lucky enough to have parents we
could talk to about anything with ease. Today's teens deal with
many of the same issues, but also deal with some very difficult
issues that are more prevalent in today's youth.
Your teen will need guidance and most likely seek advice. As
parents we need to help insure that our teens will come to us
with most of these issues. We need to create an atmosphere that
will encourage our teens to turn to us. It can be quite a task to
get your teen to open up and I found with my teenage boys they
were a little reluctant to discuss personal issues. It's quite
normal for your teen to seem more distant as they work their way
to adulthood. Many times they will seek advice from their peers,
but don't worry, this is normal for kids this age.
Peers play a big part in the teenage years and strong healthy
relationships with their peers is important to them. More
importantly though, I believe they need to be able to relate and
confide in their parents as much as possible. It's likely this
will not happen without some encouragement from the parents.
Making ourselves available, showing we understand, and that they
can talk openly with us without judgment plays a key factor in
getting them to open up and feel comfortable doing so.
Some issues today's teens face may be difficult or uncomfortable
to discuss, but looking the other way will not help. If they
can't come to you they will seek advice or help elsewhere.
Personally, I would much rather have my teen come to me
regardless of the topic, rather than turn to another source who
does not love and care for them the way I do. We as parents don't
want our teens turning to someone who may not have their best
interests in mind.
The guidance and advice they receive during these wonderful, but
yet difficult years can impact the choices they make in the
future, therefore, the present time is crucial. While some
decisions they may have to make will seem insignificant, some
could affect the rest of their lives. Whether the importance is
big or small they need to know they can turn to their parents for
everything.
I have found with my teens, by offering stories or comparisons to
when I was their age, is an effective way to get the conversation
started. In a relaxed one on one situation, casually bringing
things up opened the door to allow my boys to talk about a
similar situation they may have experienced. Sometimes, they tend
to refer to a friend that was going through something similar,
which very well could be the case, but at the same time, I take
it as a hint. If a close peer is going through it, most likely,
they are too or will be.
By letting teens know through comparison, that when you were a
teen, you too had similar issues and was once their age, will
encourage them to open up. Will everything they want to talk
about be a major dilemma? The answer is No. Will they suddenly
spill their guts and divulge everything to you from this point
on? Not likely because it takes time to establish that kind of
trust. Yes, they have been your kids for many years and they
trust you, but this is Trust taken to a whole new level.
The idea is to keep the lines of communication open, show them
you care, that you understand and you are there for them. Build a
strong level of trust with your teen and hopefully when the big
issues come up, you may be the first to know.
This article was written by Tammy Pinarbasi, Owner of the Parent
Super Site,
http://www.parentsupersite.com.
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