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Tips for the Dating Evolution
Cherie' Davidson
editor@eDipity.com
Copyright 2004-2005
We are romantic creatures. We are social creatures. With these
two elements sharing our genetic code, we have little choice
but to seek out someone with whom we can feel free to share
our romantic gestures. In the Stone Age, this was accomplished
much the same way as any survival technique (i.e., hunting and
gathering). In the Industrial Age, the biggest change was that
we looked and smelled better during our pursuits. Now, in the
Digital Age, we are more efficient with our techniques,
electronically speaking, however we have also proven that the
human species has not changed a great deal on this fundamental
level.
So, instead of trekking over hill and dale searching for a love
connection, we now flip a switch and "google" for one. Less
sweat, but other than that, not much else has changed. The
same criteria still dictates how humanity looks for love --
attraction, compatibility, willingness to extend a heart and
hand to hold.
Online dating has many positive aspects, some great advantages
over the "bar scene," and has been proven as an efficient, safe
and enjoyable way to make real love connections. Online dating works
very well as a pre-screening tool and allows you to relax more when
you do decide to take a relationship offline. However, as with all
dating rituals throughout history, there are some precautions that
should be taken, to protect yourself, body and heart.
GO WITH YOUR GUT ...
Always be aware that the person at the other end of an e-mail
message may not be who or what he or she represents him or
herself to be. Listen to your instincts ... trust your instincts. If
anything about the person makes you uncomfortable, even if it
is "just a feeling," then for your own safety and protection,
"walk" away.
BE MYSTERIOUS, A.K.A. GUARD YOUR ANONYMITY
Don't be too eager to disclose personal information. Never
include your last name, home address, phone number,
where you work, who you work for, or any other identifying
information. Always discontinue communication with anyone
who pushes or pressures you for personal information! Also
watch for any attempts to try to trick you into revealing any
personal details. Be very sure you are comfortable before
revealing any such delicate information.
BUILD TRUST THROUGH CAUTION AND COMMON SENSE
In the offline world, trust is earned gradually through
consistently honorable, upfront, honest behavior. Take all the
time you need to learn if a person is trustworthy. Again, listen
to your instincts. Be responsible and don't fall "head over heels"
and abandon caution at the click of your mouse.
TO PHONE OR NOT TO PHONE, THAT IS THE QUESTION...
Obviously, share your phone number only after you feel
completely comfortable and certain the person can be trusted.
Common sense tells you not to offer your personal phone number
to a stranger. An option could be to use a "disposable" cell phone,
or utilize telephone blocking features available in order to prevent
your phone number from appearing on a stranger's Caller ID.
PHONE CALLS CAN TELL A LOT
When you do get to the "phone stage" of the relationship, realize
that a phone call may often reveal a great deal about someone's
communication and social skills, so listen carefully -- to your
instincts as well as to the other person's voice and words. And
even if you feel comfortable with someone, still, always consider
your security first!
DON'T BE PRESSURED TO MEET TOO SOON
One of the great advantages of meeting and relating online is
that you can collect information gradually and on your own
terms, allowing you to choose if and/or when to pursue the
relationship offline. You are never obligated to meet anyone
no matter how far your online relationship has progressed.
Even if you decide to meet offline, you have the right to change
your mind at any point. If at any moment you feel uncomfortable
about meeting someone in person, listen to yourself--that
"inner voice" could be based on a hunch that you can't really
explain, but trust yourself.
RED FLAGS TAKE WARNING
Watch for negative attitudes, such as displays of anger, intense
frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Such
behavior as these, as well as a passive-aggressive manner,
making demeaning or disrespectful comments, or any physically
inappropriate behavior should send up "red flags." Be very
concerned if your date exhibits any of these behaviors. You
Are also wise to discontinue any relationship where the person
gives you inconsistent information about age, interests,
appearance, marital status, profession, employment, or
anything else for that matter. If the person fails to provide
direct answers to direct questions, appears significantly different
in person from their online persona, and never introduces you
to friends, associates or family members, don't walk, but run
the other way!
MEET IN A SAFE LOCATION
If you decide to meet offline, always tell a good friend or family
member(s) who you are meeting, a telephone number to contact
you, where you are going and when you will return. Always provide
your own transportation, never arrange for your date to pick you
up at home. Meet in a public place at a time with many people
around. A familiar, crowded meeting place is a good idea. If you
decide to move to another location, take separate cars. When
the date is over, leave on your own. Before trust has been built,
play it safe.
If you are arriving from another city, arrange for your own car
and hotel room--never allow your date to make the arrangements
for you. Do not disclose the name of your hotel. Arrange to meet
at a public location that the two of you can comfortably agree
on. If for any reason, as you are arriving or after you have
arrived, the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, return to
your hotel. And as stated before, always make sure a friend or
family member knows your plans and has your contact information,
and for added security, carry a cell phone with you at all times.
STAY SAFE
Never let yourself be pressured to do anything you feel
uncomfortable with or unsure about. If you are in any way
intimidated by, or afraid of, your date, use your best judgment,
and in the least confrontational manner possible make a hasty
retreat. If you are feeling unsure how to end the date early,
excuse yourself and go call a friend or family member for advice,
ask for help from someone in your immediate location, or slip
out the back door and drive away. Don't worry about hurting
feelings or being embarrassed. And if you feel you are in any
danger, don't mess around--call the police. Your safety is always
much more important than one person's opinion of you.
Dishonest and unscrupulous people certainly exist on the Web.
We've all heard horror stories. They also exist offline, and not
just in bars and at parties. Regardless of where you meet someone
new, remember that a little safety-consciousness and common
sense can save you from a disastrous encounter. Affairs of the
heart are never risk-free, but by being alert and exercising a
little caution, you can enjoy the exhilarating experience of meeting
someone special, someone new, and maybe even someone you will
have in your life for many happy years to come.
This is a free-reprint article written by Cherie' Davidson,
originally posted by eDipity.com, an online dating site
http://www.edipity.com
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