Send This Site to a Friend

What Every Person Should Know About Masturbation

Masturbate and Feel Good
Jessica Stumper


"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church,
regardless of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower",
President Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints (1981)

"Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is
wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of
Life.

A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain
illicit acts amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation
would quote it, at least all the sermons I have heard. Under the
circumstances, is it difficult to imagine masturbation as one of
the biggest taboos in our society? Even today? Scientific
education has done a little to change it. Does that mean men and
women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99% of men and 70% of
women masturbate according to various studies. The problem lies
in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me tell
you a story... a story about you.

One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza.
You decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat.
So you log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you
come across some piece of pornography (yes, the net is quite full
of it!) Looking at those erotic (and often downright nasty
photos) you feel a tingling between your legs. One thing leads to
another and you end up spoiling your underpants. Now let me tell
you another story.

One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then
a most gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes
tingling between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide
that you can't let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this
wonderful creation of god. So you move towards this person and
start small talk. One thing leads to another and you end up in
your appartment.

Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't
be jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the
evening to meet your friends, you would not tell them about the
hot site you found and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in
the second case, you would be telling anyone who cared to listen
how you had the most wonderful experience of your life last
night. Why? Well, maybe because self pleasure is, well, nothing
special. You can do it anytime you want. Ofcourse seducing the
person of your dreams is quite an accomplishment. No wonder you
need an audience. But what if you have a friend like me. A friend
who is crazy enough to ask you did you wank off yesterday night?
Was it good? What would you do then? Would you tell your friend
about the hot site and your experience? Would you simply say,
"Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend
nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere
else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you
got lucky with someone?

I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't
acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the
question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you
about a hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a
bowl of water in which you could drown. Shame and guilt would
come over you and you would change the topic in double quick
time. Are you crazy? Noway! You are just one of the majority. And
quite a majority at that! Way more majority that what George Bush
had in the last elections! The reason - social conditioning!

You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was
screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being
there in the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the
sale of their tickets!)

Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him,
caught up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run
out?" The boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman
getting naked I would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part
of me was already turning into stone!"

Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as
the social condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were
forced to burn alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church
was in burning Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre
of the universe. Lily Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to
believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for
masturbation!" If god didn't want us to masturbate, maybe we
would still be walking like dogs and horses!

The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and
scams perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit.
Unfortunately, this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough
to crack. However, with effort and chanelising your energies, you
can break it. Remember, the nuts that crack the hardest, are
often the ones that taste the best! You must be wondering, how
the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about masturbation.
Why should you spend time breaking this casing?

Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether
sexual guilt or in any other form, is the most destructive
element for your mental health. Others believe it is one of the
most destructive. But the greatest effect of guilt conscious in
my experience has been a lack of confidence in self. Now you are
an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the importance
of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any other
aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I
am not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable
about masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But
it would be a nice step to take. An useless guilt that should,
and can be eradicated from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made
of small droplets of water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in
due time, the ocean would be empty! Ofcourse it would take
several millenia! Luckily, you don't have an ocean full of guily!
Just some naggings here and there!


The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge.
There are thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them
perperated by religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by
scam runners. Lets take a look at the most important ones.

1. Masturbation is against the will of god.

Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was
overtly passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that
teaching and your wife would be committing adultery! Several
clergymen have gone on record to say that not only the church's
teachings about sexuality were unrelated to the scriptures, but
that they caused more harm than good amongst people. Besides,
nowhere in the religious teachings of any major religions is
masturbation considered wrong.

2. Masturbation will cause impotency.

Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again.
Lets tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing
their sperm flow out of their body, they think it may end
sometime. Well, it will end one day... maybe when you are 100
years old. But until then don't worry. Your sperm bank is quite
unlike Standard Chartered. You have unlimited credit here! Sperm
is a completely renewable resource, renewable on an hourly basis!
For women, well, there is no basis in the theory. Probably
perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in their entire
life!

3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases.

This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better
scams of all times! Your social conditioning would have you
believe that masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No
one would give you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw
this as an good oppurtunity to sell their products like hair
growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during
their teens, (the times of acne and other skin problems), they
would have you believe that this is caused by masturbation!
Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from the
west! Masturbation has no physical side effects!

4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny!

Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my
friend! And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight!

5. Only Kids masturbate!

Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults
masturbate... yup even after marriage!

6. Masturbation is for males.

And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of
all females masturbate!

7. Only losers masturbate!

Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a
taboo is masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of
females have masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is
a hell of a lot of losers don't you think! Nothing more that I
can add really... this is really the epitome of insecurity
amongst people regarding self pleasure.

8. Masturbation is for homosexuals.

Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology
of these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as
untrue as all these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have
nothing in common. Some people masturbate to their fantasies of
opposite sex, others to their fantasies of same sex. Thats it.

9. Masturbation will make you blind!

Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights.
However, their claims are unsupported by facts and medical
advice. I suggest you talk to your general physician and he will
explain you what a load of bull this is.

10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis

Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm,
the hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no
effect on how your penis looks.

There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world.
If you have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily
lay your fears to rest.


Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly,
all the reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless.
So why should you feel guilty about something that is normal and
actually healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved
an email from a woman who had some major problems in her
marriage. Due to her career and that of her husband, their sexual
life was inexistant. Both held jobs in big MNCs and were
frequently out of town. Sometimes, they would see each other once
a month! Nevertheless, they were very much in love. Her problem
was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting into petty
fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing problems
during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting on
her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by
extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that
sexual frustration.

My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would
have to slow down, and so should her husband. They must make time
for their hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise
when they could. Most certainly, they needed to see more of each
other. They should onsider talking off a couple of days and just
be together. Second, while she was alone, she should consider
fantasy therapy. Namely, reading erotic novels, watching erotic
movies... exciting herself and eventually masturbating as
regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a thank
you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice
(which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not
so rare!)

How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose
from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation,
like sex, is the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind
gets cleared of the regular day to day problems. Your body gets
excited and the blood flow increases. Sometimes, you even sweat!
A complete and perfect exercise for those with lack of time!

The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief.
Something, no outsider can help you with. Here is what I would
counsel. Read as many articles on the internet as you can
relating to masturbation. Just so that you know that I am not
bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be afraid to ask me
or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites. Remember,
the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief. And
knowledge leads to belief. Good Wanking!

Dr. Jessica Stumper is a columnist for The Pornography Times
http://www.pornographytimes.com/  She writes a sex health and
techniques column on the website.


Also See:

How To Have Great Sex & Sexuality Issues

Having Better Marriages & Relationships

Women's Issues & Women's Health

Our Health and Wellness Center