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Learning to Love Your Body
Twenty-four percent of women and 17 percent of men say they would give up more than three years of life to be thinner. That’s
according to a 1997 poll conducted by Psychology Today magazine.
At the same time, studies show that half of American women
overestimate the size of their bodies.
Sociologists who study the western-world phenomenon of poor body
image attribute the problem to a variety of factors, including
media and cultural influences, as well as parental and peer
messages.
The advertising industry ties the already complex issue of body
image with materialism. A slender body is associated with wealth,
health, and attractiveness. A heavier body is associated with
sloth, indulgence, and a lack of self-control.
Psychological factors can add to the effect of media and culture.
Girls who experienced sexual abuse or an emotionally difficult
puberty are more prone to body dissatisfaction as adults. So are
women who feel they have little control over their lives.
Women who have felt the most brutal blows from poor body image
say it is not a single factor acting in isolation. Jenifer Tracy,
who battled bulimia for nine years, says a combination of
factors, such as a non-supportive family environment and a poor
self-image, snowballed in the presence of cultural influences.
“If I had love for myself, or love from my family,” Tracy says,
“it would not matter what a model looked like, and it would not
affect my personal self-esteem.”
The Dangers of Body Dissatisfaction
When we realize that it is a combination of influences that lead
to body dissatisfaction, we empower ourselves to solve the
problem. We can seize power by breaking the chain of these
influences wherever we can.
Carolyn Strauss is a top plus-size model, author of Specialty
Modeling, and a nationally recognized expert on body image
issues, from fashion to self-esteem. Her accomplishments now
include her own clothing collection featured on the Home Shopping
Network. Through it all, she helps other women move toward a more
positive body image. Strauss says the biggest danger of a
negative body image lies in the power it gives away.
“When someone has a poor body image, she will try to find
validation from outside to make her feel better. The next diet,
the next fashion fad, the next boyfriend…anything but where she
is now. Instead of living in the moment, she may find herself
living for ‘when I look better,’” Strauss says. “Remember, the
goal of most advertising it to make you ‘not OK’ so that, upon
using that product, you will become OK. I say, start OK and then
you’ll only buy what you choose to have for yourself.”
Most of us can think of a time when we thought a new haircut,
diet, or lipstick would turn everything around for us. But that
mindset can lead to a lot of wasted time and money. Constant
self-monitoring can also drain your energy, and it can even lead
to depression and hostility.
A University of Toronto study, published in the International
Journal of Eating Disorders, found that women who were
interviewed after seeing magazine ads that featured female models
showed a significant and immediate decrease in self-esteem.
Poor body image can lead to crash dieting and excessive exercise,
which can, in turn, lead to poor nutrition, injuries, and
depression. In it’s most dangerous form, a negative body image
may fuel an eating disorder or Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
When you are continually distracted with physical appearance, the
energy of your mind, body, and spirit is diverted from more
salient endeavors.
A more positive body image can help you in all of your roles.
Improve your role as a mother by teaching your children how to
love their bodies. Improve your physical health. Improve your
role as a lover. One study shows that women who are comfortable
with their bodies (regardless of size) achieve orgasm more often
than those who are more physically self-conscious.
Solutions
Seek Help
If you feel that your body image has become a pre-occupation,
don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor or therapist. Amoreena
Brewton, a mother with a background in sociology and counseling,
has conducted research on women and body image. She says, “Some
people are too deeply entrenched in their body issues to resolve
them on their own. Often, there are personal or familial issues
at play when a person has an eating disorder, so seeking
professional help is highly recommended.”
Tracy agrees. “In the end, my success came from the deep desire
to stop, which had been inside of me for years, and then getting
into serious therapy with an eating disorder specialist. Having
someone who focuses on just that area was a true lifesaver.”
Make small changes
A global change in cultural and economic structures would, no
doubt, help us all achieve a more positive body image. But there
will likely always be supermodels, paid endorsements, and the
unstoppable “quest for the best” bandwagon.
Instead, enforce changes on a smaller scale. Brewton suggests we
stop allowing those negative forces into our lives. “Don’t buy
Cosmo, buy Redbook,” she says. “Look at really powerful,
intelligent successful women whom you admire as often as
possible. For example: Oprah, Rosie, Hillary, Martha, your mom,
your grandmother, your daughter.”
Use Positive affirmations
When you catch yourself commiserating over tight blue jeans,
don’t let your mind get stuck in the negativity. When that
negative voice does emerge, follow it with 10 positive thoughts.
Tracy says repetition is key. “It begins with re-recording the
negative messages in your own mind, which are so painful,” she
says. “I have probably re-recorded that message over 500,000
times, and I keep losing it. But it’s easier to find for the next
time.”
Once you navigate yourself out of the negativity rut, you’ll feel
better about yourself, and you’ll better understand your power to
create and maintain a healthier mind, body, and spirit.
Remember your spiritual connection
“The first thing to remember is that the Universe does not make
mistakes,” Strauss says. You are where you are for a reason.
Acknowledge this and then choose how to proceed with the next
minute, hour, day, of your life.”
For the religious and spiritual among us, body image may
instantly improve with the simple reminder that God gave you the
body you have for a reason. He didn’t make you to look like Cindy
Crawford because you aren’t Cindy Crawford. He wants you to be
healthy enough to do your life’s work. To live and work at an
optimum level. So, accept His creation, and nurture it.
Gather with supportive friends
Surround yourself with supportive friends. “As I began to recover
little by little from bulimia,” Tracy says. “I did not surround
myself with people who were as concerned about body size. I put
myself among beautiful, strong, and intelligent women who really
put little emphasis on looks.”
Brewton also recommends surrounding yourself with friends whose
focus is not on exteriors. “Other women can make the biggest
difference in our lives by being mentors and leading by example,”
Brewton says. She suggests we find a group of women to meet with
regularly to discuss issues important to our lives, but, she
says, don’t focus solely on body issues. “Obsessing as a group is
no better than obsessing as an individual,” she says.
Find a group of supportive women, either in your neighborhood or
online. Then use this safe, non-critical environment to empower
one another. For tips, read Kimberly Hohman’s insightful article,
“Overcoming Our Feline Instincts.”
Focus on Health
Change your relationship with food.
Food is fuel for active living. Strive not for a number on the
scale but for a weight at which you feel strong and energetic.
Ask yourself if your diet contributes – or takes away from - your
health and energy levels.
When we stop focusing on our bodies, and begin to focus on our
health, our bodies have an easier time finding our optimal
weight. Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine
have discovered that people who start a weight-loss program when
they feel happiest about their body are more than twice as likely
to lose weight as people who are less satisfied.
Tracy proves that we can control how much power food has over us.
“One of the most important factors in my success has been to eat
everything and anything I want, whenever. I do not diet,
restrict, or make rules for myself in any way. This sets my life
up so that I don’t ever feel restricted and needy for food. It
has taken a lot of the importance out of food for me,” Tracy
says. “Since I quit my bulimic behaviors, I have lost 15 pounds,
my face and cheeks are not swollen, and I feel really good.”
Change your relationship with exercise.
Regular exercise creates power and endurance, which can help you
enjoy more activities. Can you hike as far as you like? Would you
like to try kayaking? Do you know the joys of a “runner’s high”?
Find an exercise you enjoy. If you hate aerobic dance, don’t join
an aerobics class. If you hate the gym, don’t spend your time
there. Instead, experiment with exercises you’ve never tried
before. Is there an exercise that makes you feel physically
empowered? Do that one.
Motivate yourself to exercise by reminding yourself about the
burst of energy that inevitably follows a workout.
Change your relationship with your body.
When food becomes a tool for active living, and exercise becomes
a tool for increased strength, your body becomes a tool for your
mind. Suddenly, your body has the endurance and power to do what
the mind wills.
“Our bodies are miracles, walking around in skin,” Brewton says.
“You will never come across a finer work of art or machinery.”
Befriend your body, and ask yourself how you want to spend your
life energy. “Imagine for a moment that you took all that time
you spend thinking about appearance and focused on how much you
love your ability to communicate well, or what a great mom you
are, or ways to solve the issue of homelessness,” Brewton says.
“If you took that negative energy and used it for good, not only
would your life improve, but the world would improve, as well."
Your body is an ally in your life’s work. Respect it as such.
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of several books for women
and founder of the award-winning Momscape.com, a website designed to help busy women find balance. Visit http://www.momscape.com today and get Susie's *free* course-by-email "6 Days to Less Stress."
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