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Living With Herpes - A Single Mother's Story
Gayla Baer
http://Antopia.com
Several years ago I learned that my husband was having an
extramarital affair. I began working aggressively toward a divorce.
Needing to know in my mind and heart that I would be able to
provide for our twin boys, then aged 3, and myself. Following
three months of bartending, I was prepared to take a stand and
I asked my husband to leave. That night, we had a terrible fight,
and I suffered physical and emotional abuse.
As soon as my husband had moved out, I made a doctor's appointment
to be tested for transmitted diseases. The relief that
poured over me when I heard that the results were all negative
or inactive was overwhelming. I had escaped my marriage with
little more than a bruised ego and a bout with cervical dysphasia
two years prior. My life would go on and did.
I met a wonderful local man, whom I would date for a year and
half, and found myself in a wonderful career as a buyer for a
convenience store chain. This was just the antidote for what
my emotions needed at that time. My relationship with this man
was one that eventually grew intimate. For the next year and
half I would live my life as normal because I believed myself to
be disease free, battling only recurring urinary tract infections
time and time again.
June of 1999 would put an abrupt end to that belief.
I awoke one summery June morning and prepared for a fun-filled
road adventure to a race being held in Ohio. Being the feminine
sort that I am, I used some feminine deodorant products that
particular day, as it was going to be sizzling hot. While at the
race, I felt pains like none I had never experienced before.
At the risk of being too blunt, I felt as if I was urinating razor
blades. At the time, I was convinced that I was having an allergic
reaction to the products I had used earlier that morning.
First thing Monday morning, I called my doctor and explained
the physical symptoms I was experiencing. He prescribed a
steroidal cream to alleviate the allergic reaction he believed it to be.
Three hours after applying the medication, things worsened drastically.
My urinary tract closed off entirely, and even more intense pains
were consuming my entire body.
Tuesday morning I phoned my local Planned Parenthood where I
was able to be seen right away. I drove to their office only seven
miles away, but if felt more like a thousand. Upon examination
the physician told me that I had herpes. I sat there in disbelief
as I had been tested a couple of years prior and the results were
all negative. The only explanation, in my mind, was that I was
being cheated on yet again.
As soon as I got my prescription filled and returned home, I found
myself searching for answers via the Internet. I needed to know
how to stop the pain. I couldn't care less about the diagnosis at
this point; I just wanted the pain to stop. I found a chat room
with real people; people who were living with the virus and who
truly knew the pain that I was feeling.
As months passed I found myself very active in support chat rooms
for others with herpes. By helping those who were newly
diagnosed and as afraid as I once was, I found a way to "heal"
myself, both mentally and emotionally. My efforts were observed
by Anthony Matthews, the founder of Antopia.com, which is
the largest and most comprehensive online social resource for
people living with herpes, humanpapilloma virus (HPV) and
other STDs. In July of 2000 I was asked to join the Antopia team,
whose mission and goal is to educate all people affected by STDs
and to let them know that it is possible to live a productive and
fulfilling life. Antopia is a means to "end the aloneness" that many
people with STDs experience. The community helped me to gain
the knowledge that I needed to empower myself to take control
and live a productive life. Everyday I, and everybody on the
Antopia team, try to help others with STDs know that support
is readily available, and we help them to become educated and live fulfilled
lives.
It is estimated that one in four adults have herpes, and that
approximately 80% of the entire population has oral herpes
(commonly known as "cold sores" ) which can be transmitted
. The majority of the active adult
population carries HPV (Humanpapilloma Virus) of which there
are over 100 strains. Some of the strains cause warts and
some high risk strains are known to cause cervical,
and cancer . Herpes and HPV testing are not a part of
standard STD screening, though tests are easily available. To be
tested for either virus the patient must request that his or her doctor
perform the test. Herpes is not a standard part of neonatal testing
administered to women before they give birth. If a woman is
experiencing an outbreak at the same time that she delivers her
baby, major and serious complications could occur. The
complication can be prevented by testing pregnant women.
The most important message that I could give anyone who might
be reading is this: realize that you are no less a human being
than you were before you were diagnosed with herpes or HPV.
You simply have a medical issue which needs attention. Everyone
in today's society has issues. Herpes is no different. With proper
precautions, herpes can be controlled and you can minimize
(though never eliminate) the risk of transmitting to a potential
partner. Emotional support and medical knowledge is most
important and will help you to make informed decisions affecting your life.
Herpes is unfortunately and unnecessarily stealing the quality of
life from many individuals in the form of social stigma and fear.
This virus will only become a self proclaimed prison if one allows
it to become so. I have chosen, along with the community of
which I have become an integral part, to allow herpes to become
only one of many defining factors, of who I've chosen to be.
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