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Why Aren't We Happy In Our Marriage Relationships?
W. David Cole, N.D., D.N.
My perfect soul mate would be.....a combination of:
Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, Betty Crocker, Helen Hunt,
Helen Keller, Annie Oakley, Lucille Ball, Cindy Crawford,
Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Ann Landers, Angela
Lansbury, Martha Stewart, June Cleaver....plus
the best qualities of each of: my former girlfriends,
my current wife, my former wife, my grandmothers,
and my mom.
Take the qualities I like in each of those women, put
them all together into one, and you have my perfect
soulmate.
Now a woman like that's not too hard to find is it?
What I (men in general) want from a woman would include:
a good sex partner and one who is willing to have great
sex whenever I want, a companion to avoid loneliness,
housekeeper, mother of my children, a best friend,
someone to boost my ego, physical intimacy, spiritual
intimacy, a good conversationalist, attractive escort,
someone who will not judge or criticize me, someone who
leaves me alone when I want to be left alone, someone
who is fun to be around, yet quiet and humble, but
also bold and adventurous.
Someone who cooks my meals, and cleans my house and
changes diapers, and has a big income and is sexually
attractive and alluring doing it!!!
Now, if I were to put all the qualities I want in a
woman and then EXPECT this woman to be all of
the above and meet all my needs all the time
and in every way.....
Is there anyone reading this that fully agrees I
would be hard pressed to find such a woman to start
with, and does anyone agree that no woman could even
half begin to have all those qualities and further
to fill all those needs of mine?
Of course not!
So I have all these needs and desires and even more
than above, plus my needs and wants vary from time
to time and from event to event, yet for some odd
reason, I expect my wife to fulfill all of my needs
and even to have the ability to change and move with
my every whim and changing fancy and then react and
compensate accordingly.
And that doesn't even take into account her individual
needs and changes and desires.
It's actually quite ludicrous of me to even think
for a minute that one partner could meet all my
needs and fulfill all my desires and react as I think
they should and be all things to all people all the
time......
And yet, isn't that one big reason why most of us
are un-happy in a relationship or marriage?
We somehow expect our partner to "know" what we
are thinking and feeling and then react and do the
things "we think they should be doing" at each and
every situation and circumstance.
And further, we would want our partner to be all things
to us at all times....then when it doesn't happen
we get disappointed.
It was a major shock after I got married, expecting
my new wife to meet all my needs and desires, and
then woke up the next morning only to find I had
married a real human being with needs, opinions,
and desires of her own.
Can you imagine that?
It's like my baseball team. If I expect one of
my players to be able to be a catcher, pitcher,
infielder, outfielder, plus be the best hitter...
one player that can do anything well and do it
all the time.... then I'm going to have an awfully
difficult time finding such a player.
Yet, for the most of us, we expect our partner to be
everything we ever wanted and to fulfill all our needs
and desires and whims and not complain doing and
also to do it without having to be told.
One of our biggest reasons why we are not having happy
marriages is because we expect our partner to be able
to fulfill and suit all our needs and do it on a
continual basis and be able to change and adapt
with each varying situation.
I can't be all the things my wife needs at all times,
and I recognize that. It would drive me crazy even
trying to be somebody like that. And neither can
she be Betty Crocker and Ann Landers and Paris Hilton
and all of the above personalities rolled into one.
So wouldn't it be much easier for me and better
for my relationship, to accept my partner's
limitations and their strong points and not go
around expecting her to be everything I need
all the time?
Wouldn't that make it easier and better to have a
quality relationship if we didn't expect our partners
to behave and be someone they're not?
Perhaps if we accepted our partners as they were,
with all their flaws and imperfections and focused
a little more on their strong and good points, we would
all be happier in our relationships.
Copyright ©W. David Cole, N.D., D.N.
All rights reserved
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