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The Art of Giving an Erotic Massage
EROTIC MASSAGE


One of the simplest pleasures in the world is touching and being
touched. Babies thrive on being held and petted -- in fact,
infants who are neglected don’t develop at a normal pace. Adults
are no less susceptible to the nurturing qualities of touch or
the unhealthy consequences of deprivation. And yet in this
high-tech era, we spend lots more time touching our computer
keyboards than our friends and loved ones. We tend to consider
massage an expensive luxury associated with spas or medical
emergencies. As more and more people increase their
health-consciousness, it’s slowly beginning to be accepted that
massage is right up there with exercise and a good diet among the
ingredients for good health and well-being.


It’s true that massage has proven medical benefits. It can
enhance standard treatments for back pain, tension headaches,
sleep problems, and depression by increasing blood circulation,
draining toxins, and boosting the immune system. Beyond all that,
loving touch between friends and partners can inject into busy
lives a much-needed dose of tenderness and gentle attention.


Not to mention spice. Massage is not synonymous with sex, as the
American Massage Therapy Association has spent a couple of
decades training people to understand. But anyone with two hands
knows that massage can be a tool to enhance sexual pleasure.
Loving and sensual touch can heighten erotic sensation and extend
orgasmic response by relaxing stressed-out muscles and awakening
the body's sense receptors. Not only that, by stretching your
usual range of physical communication, erotic massage can create
a more powerful intimacy between you and your partner.


There’s now a whole subset of the video industry devoted to
making how-to cassettes on “The Art of Sensual Massage,” aimed at
non-professionals who want to improve skills at touching one
another. For those who learn better from a live person than
instructional videos, the Body Electric School in Oakland,
Calif., is one of the few massage schools that doesn’t erect a
barbed-wire fence around erotic touch. The school offers
workshops for men and women who want to combine the principles of
tantra (sex as meditation) with touch. As Collin Brown, director
of the school, “Body Electric is committed to exploring the
healing potential of erotic energy.”


From these various sources, a few essentials about erotic massage
can be gleaned. Don't worry about trying to give your lover a
"professional" massage. The most important part of touching
someone is not technique but intention. Say what's on your mind,
be aware of where you're touching, let your heart speak through
your hands, and you can't go wrong. That said, here are a few
secrets to sharing erotic massage.


*Create a setting* that's conducive to relaxation and sensuality.
Soft music and candlelight never hurt. Have some lotion or warm
coconut oil at hand.


*Give up the idea of having to get somewhere.* Massage can be a
delicious appetizer before lovemaking. Then again, at those times
when intercourse-with-penetration isn't possible or desired but
touching and closeness is, an erotic massage can be a full meal
in itself.


*Focus on non-genital areas first.* Getting intimate with someone
who's still carrying around the emotional baggage of the day is
like taking a bubble bath fully clothed. Everybody can use a
neck-and-shoulder massage, thumb circles up and down either side
of the spine, and don't forget hands and feet. Light, feathery
strokes can feel sensual, but sometimes they can also feel timid
or absent-minded. Experiment with a mixture of light and firm
touches.


*Watch what happens.* As you make your way toward familiar
erogenous zones, you may be surprised to discover some new ones.
How about the ears? For a woman, try slow circles on her belly
right over her womb (a stroke that sacred-sex goddess Annie
Sprinkle calls “warming up the ovaries”). For a man, having his
inner thighs stroked while he's lying face-down can be
electrifying. Goosebumps, heat, moaning, and of course the
appearance of Mr. Boner are all good signs of arousal.


*Give when you give; receive when you receive.* Sometimes the
hardest part of building intimacy is letting someone take care of
you.


*Don't rush.* Be playful. Chester Mainard, who teaches erotic
massage workshops for the Body Electric School, advises men,
"Take your time and tease a lot. For many women, it is a welcome
change to want it so bad and have to wait a while instead of
holding you off until they are ready."


*Breathe.* Shallow breathing locks tension in the body. Taking
some deep, full breaths while you're getting massaged is the
equivalent of going through the house and turning on the lights
so you can see where you're going. According to Margo Anand,
whose book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy has taught the principles of
tantra to many Westerners, "Breathing can serve you as a vehicle
for pleasure, eventually turning your whole body into an
instrument -- even a symphony -- of pleasure."


*Circulate the energy.* Once erotic energy is aroused, don't keep
it locked in the pelvic area. Move it around the body with breath
and touch. After some direct genital stimulation, go back to the
neck or the belly or the extremities. For many women, having
their nipples pinched or pulled can be phenomenally stimulating;
but check with your partner to see if it works for her. If your
man gets close to squirting too fast, slap the soles of his feet,
tug his hair, or have him vigorously shake his hands and feet.
Getting to a high erotic state is like climbing a mountain --
rather than turn around and leave immediately, why not hang out
and enjoy the view?

First published in Notorious magazine, June/July 1998



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