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Empty Nest Syndrome
Dr. Margaret Paul
Paula's last child had just gone off to college and Paula
was struggling with a deep inner emptiness. While she knew
this day was coming, she was not really prepared for the
intense hollowness that welled up within. After all, she had
a life of her own. Her work as an occupational therapist,
which she had gone back to after all her three children were
in school, was fulfilling to her. She was fortunate in
having been able to schedule her time to be home when her
children came home from school so she could take them to
their various activities. Paula had been a loving and
devoted mother and was very proud of her children. She had
been looking forward to this time for herself and her
husband, but now that it was here, Paula felt lost.
It's not that she didn't have things she loved to do. She
was a talented and athletic woman and had many creative and
physical activities that she enjoyed. She and her husband
had a good relationship with a wide circle of friends they
often spent social time with. So, why this emptiness?
Paula sought my help when she realized that she was slipping
into depression.
"I just can't figure out what's wrong," she stated in our
first session together. "My marriage is fine, my work is
fine, I have lots of friends and activities I enjoy. I don't
understand why I'm feeling so unhappy."
I asked Paula to tune inside to the unhappy part of her and
let this part of her speak. "Imagine that the unhappy part
of you is a child within. There is some very good reason
this inner child is feeling so unhappy, and you need to ask
her. Start out with asking her how she feels about you as
the inner parent."
Paula asked and was quite surprised at the answer. "You
never want to know how I feel," her inner child complained.
"You always wanted to know how the children felt, and you
were always there for their feelings, but not for mine. You
spend your time in ways you think make us happy, but you
never ask me about it. While the kids were growing up, you
were able to ignore my sadness, but you can't ignore me
anymore. I'm here, and I need you to pay attention to me."
"I don't get this," said Paula, "What does this unhappy part
of me want me to do?"
"Ask her," I stated.
Paula asked and the answer came. "Our work and all our
activities are fine, but I need something deeper. I've been
wanting you to open to something spiritual, but you haven't
listened to me."
"I have tried going back to church, but that doesn't seem to
be doing it for me. This does seem to be some kind of
spiritual emptiness, but I don't know what to do about it."
Paula had never taken the time to develop a personal
relationship with God. While she believed in a Higher Power,
it was something "out there", not something she connected
with and brought into her heart and soul. Her soul was
missing the sense of deep connection and inner fullness that
comes from having a personal relationship with a spirit
source of love and guidance, as well as with her own inner
feelings. While her children were filling this empty space,
she didn't deal with it, but now that they were gone, it was
time to face the emptiness that had always been there but
had been covered up with mothering.
I asked Paula to close her eyes and imagine a wise and
loving spiritual being, perhaps her own highest self,
perhaps a relative who had died that she loved, perhaps a
religious figure she felt connected with, or an image of a
teacher, mentor, or guardian angel. She was able to imagine
an angelic Presence that made her feel very loved and safe.
"Now bring the love from this Presence into your heart and
then down into the empty place within. Imagine that you are
loving the child within in the same way you have loved your
children, hearing your inner child's feelings and needs in
the same way you did with your children. If you also open to
learning with this Presence about what is loving to your
inner child, and then take the loving action for yourself,
you will start to fill that emptiness within you. Are you
willing to try this?"
Paula was very willing to learn to create the deeper
connection with Self and with Spirit. She reported to me a
few weeks later that she was no longer feeling depressed.
Her "empty nest" was now being filled with her inner and
spiritual connection.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me
To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved
By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and
"Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web
site for a FREE Inner Bonding course:
http://www.innerbonding.com
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