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What to Expect When You're Expecting Teens
Steve McCullen
If you are like most parents you have a well worn copy of What to
Expect When You are Expecting up on a shelf or collecting dust in
some far off corner. You are or have been enjoying a number of
years where you don’t have to dress and feed your child, they are
still warm and loving and easy to get along with. And now come
the teen years. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was one book that
covered it all? Wouldn’t it be nice if one method worked for
everyone parent and child alike? I’m sorry I don’t have such a
book for you but I have compiled a reading list that may be
useful. If you are expecting teens or know someone that is this
link may be as useful and welcome as that well worn copy of What
to Expect When Your Expecting. Below are the categories you will
find on the list:
The teen years actually are starting earlier and earlier and
hence the new category of “tweens” has come into favor. These are
the middle school years you may start to a new side to your child
as early as age ten and many children will remain in the “tween”
phase until age fourteen or so.
The next category is the for the average or normal teen, If there
is such a thing. These set of books can help you understand what
is “normal” behavior for teens and some common methods for coping
with them.
Part of being a teen is being moody and irritable. It is also a
time of immense physical growth which can make them tired and
somewhat lethargic. These are also just some of the symptoms of
depression. You should become aware of what is normal for a teen
and what is depression. Using the wrong type of discipline or
motivation when the child is suffering from depression will not
bring about the desired outcome and could lead to disastrous
results.
Bullying and harassment is still occurring in our schools. As an
interesting experiment, instead of asking your child if they are
bullied or harassed try asking them if it is occurring at their
school. I think you will be surprised at the level of their
response. Bullying and harassment can sometimes explain some odd
behaviors. Sudden loss of interest in school or other activities,
minor vandalism or theft and a host of other symptoms. Girls are
not immune, I am seeing more and more girls involved in physical
conflicts. Girls often suffer another type of bullying which
includes exclusion, rumor starting and other behaviors.
Drug and alcohol abuse is still problem for many of our young
people. It may be your child’s main problem or just another
symptom entwine with your teens situation. Your teens primary
care physician is an excellent starting place. Your local health
department might also have programs or maintain a referral list
for your area. This section includes many books to help you
address or prevent a substance abuse problem.
Teenagers and these topics seem never to be far apart. Next
to substance abuse and bullying this was an area that many
parents sought advice on. After working with teens I think far
less activity goes on than we fear or imagine. But it
only takes one encounter to strap you and your teen with a
lifetime responsibility. Much has been made about whether
education leads to activity and I will let you draw your
own conclusions but here is my take. If you take responsibility
for your teens knowledge you know it will be done in away that is
consistent with your beliefs and value system. It will not
encourage or discourage your adolescent from engaging in
activity it will just make him or her less vulnerable to
misinformation. The ability to talk openly about with your
child is a good first start but that alone will not encourage or
discourage activity. Having relevant factual knowledge,
strong self esteem, the ability to delay gratification toward
greater goals will have the strongest effect. Lynda Madaras has
different books for boys and girls which I really like. I feel
they are suited for all age groups. My advice is to read them
yourself if you find it suitable give it to your child. (They
will laugh at you and say they already know everything, but I
guarantee they will be consulted as needed through out their teen
years.
These are books that may be helpful if you have an “out of
control” teen. Some teens behavior or personality may require
different strategies than those teenagers who are not as
challenging. Some professionals now believe that certain children
are naturally hardwired to be fiercely defiant and independent. I
have included Stop Walking on Egg Shells which is a book that is
primarily about boarder line personality disorder. It will be
tempting to make this diagnosis when reading the book which I
urge you not to do. Leave that to the professionals. The book is
an excellent source on how to cope with a loved ones behaviors. I
personally think it would be helpful in a co-dependent
relationship of any type. It will be especially helpful if your
child makes false accusations against you. Remember when you read
these “get tough” books, you do not have to agree with or employ
the authors strategies in their entirety but they do offer
excellent background, educational and coping strategies for
hurting parents. As always adapt what you think is useful to your
situation and only employ the methods that you feel are right for
you and your child.
Teenage boys, a mixture of bravado and insecurity. Maybe the most
misunderstood and overlooked segment of our society. These books
will be useful to both mom and dad and maybe extra useful for
single mothers on what to expect and how to best understand and
communicate with your son.
The final section of the list is devoted to teenage girls. These
books will be useful for dads both married and single. They are
also good for the moms who are now experiencing something
different than what they expected.
The reading list can be viewed at:
http://www.shapethenews.com/page/page/709864.htm
Steve McCullen is a Maryland Police Officer with experience in
Youth Programs. In addition to writing about parenting issues he
hosts the website
http://www.shapethenews.com
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Teenagers & Teenage Issues
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