What You Should Know
About Children and
Sexuality
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Children’s Sexuality
Rexanne Mancini
We are all born as sexual beings. It is as much a part of our anatomy,
our emotional and mental make-up as breathing. Whether we are
acting upon our sexual drive at any given moment is beside the point.
I think it’s important to realize that children have sexual feelings, just
not as developed as adult feelings. Whether these instincts remain
healthy is quite another story. As parents, I believe we need to instill
a healthy outlook in our kids about sex and their imminent
sexuality.
The first inkling we have of our little ones being sexual is their first
attempts
at masturbation. This could take any form you can imagine but most
parents notice our babies discover their genitals at about 10 months
of age and maybe younger. Eureka! A new toy! Hopefully, we won’t
freak out about it. It is, after all, their toy! This is their body and it is
their innocent need to discover how the various parts function, feel
and react. There have been countless studies and articles written about
masturbation. Clearly, it is a healthy form of sexual exploration and
usually begins in early childhood. So, that said, let’s think about how
we, as parents and caretakers, can deal with this
sometimes-embarrassing issue.
Personally, it never bothered me when my toddlers began exploring
their bodies. I’d gently point out that it wasn’t appropriate to do in
front of most people and certainly not at the dinner table but
other than that, the issue was never really an ... issue. I have
witnessed other parents go through a variety of reactions to their
baby’s or toddler’s wandering hands, from actually hitting a child for
innocently touching their genitals to a mortified: “How could you?!”
Gee, how could they NOT?
Come on ... they’re babies, they’re exploring the world and themselves.
Where is the shame, guilt or horror in this? Only in parent’s and other
adult minds, that’s where. How on earth would a baby or young
toddler assume that touching a part of their being is bad, evil, shameful or
humiliating unless their significant care taker tells them so, whether
in words, actions or obvious distress over the situation?
This brings us to the probable conclusion that our kids will grow into
adults feeling ashamed, guilty and weird about their sexuality if we,
as their predominant instructors of life, teach them to feel
bad about their natural curiosity.
I certainly understand that some adults are just not comfortable with
this parenting issue or, down the line, discussing sex in a logical and
rational way with their questioning adolescents. A good plan would be
to enlist the help and guidance of a trusted family member or the child’s
pediatrician. Better yet, parents who feel uncomfortable should
discuss this with their own doctor, trusted friend or family member
and then have a back up plan to deal with the issue when it arises,
which it most definitely will.
Copyright – 2000-2004 – Rexanne Mancini
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty.
She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal
parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com –
http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her
site for good advice, award-winning
Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to
her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne
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