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Discover the Leader in Your Child
Lisa J. Davis
Every child has a purpose in life. As a parent and a teacher, I
am continually learning how to tap into the hidden leadership
abilities in each child's personality. What may seem to be
undesirable behavior can sometimes be developed into an area of
strength. It takes structure, discipline, and guidance to help
children reach their maximum potential.
Mentoring a son or daughter is exciting, yet challenging. A child
learns and develops through many stages. During the infant stage,
the child has emotional and educational needs that parents can
easily anticipate.
However, once a child grows into the toddler stage, parenting
requires more creativity. A child begins to explore his world,
surfacing in the form of phrases such as, "No", "Mine," and "I
can do it myself." Following this stage and moving through the
grade school phase and on into high school, a child is
continuously "feeling his turf" with his words, actions, and
choices.
This process is a normal part of development. At any given stage
in this process a parent can easily mistake some of the child's
behavior as negative traits. Following are six L. E. A. D. E. R.
principles to discover the leader in your child:
1. Lead by example
As you have learned from your mistakes and made changes in your
life, your child can learn to do the same. I learned to react in
anger when I did not get my way by watching my father's lack of
anger management in my earlier years. However, I also learned to
apologize and make amends in relationships as a result of
watching my father make changes in his life. My temper indicated
a depth of passion that could be channeled constructively, once
it was harnessed by concern for other's needs and feelings.
2. Explain your response
The question asked most frequently by children is, "Why?" Every
good leader knows, "Because I said so," is not an effective
answer. When a child is told to behave in a specific manner
without having any understanding of why, it's hard to maintain
that behavior when the parent is not around.
Children lack the maturity of sound logic. When I enforce the
rule of walking quietly in the hall, I always make the statement,
"We have to walk quietly in the hall so that we are respectful of
the learning that is going on."
3. Apply your love to the back and the bottom
In a relationship, a person needs to know he is loved before he
can receive criticism. I had a boss that always told me what I
was doing wrong. In three years, she made only one comment about
something I had done right. She tried to discipline me without
developing a relationship with me. This hindered me from becoming
a better teacher during the time I worked for her.
Children are the same way. Children can take a 'pat on the
bottom,' if they continually receive a 'pat on the back.'
4. Deal with each incident separately
Life is easier to handle one day at a time. Consequently, dealing
with a child's misbehavior is also easier to handle one day at a
time. The words "never" and "always" are seldom used in a
positive manner.
I have a student who needs a lot of 'mercy' from me. If I
concentrated on how often I needed to handle situations that
arose from his choices, I would have a difficult relationship
with him. Last school year, he frequented the principal's office
at least once a week. This year, he has only been to the office
once. I believe it is due to the relationship I developed with
him and the fact that I give him a fresh start each day.
5. Evaluate the situation
Children sometimes respond negatively because they are being
forced to deal with adult problems. Is the child hitting at
school because he does not want to share the toy, or does he miss
his father who has left the home?
Stressful issues occurring in the home are difficult and
complicated for youth to handle. A child's behavior may be the
result of some change in her life, such as a new baby sister, a
move into a different neighborhood, or a recent divorce. Although
a parent should not excuse the behavior, attention should be
given to the reason behind the behavior.
6. Apologize to your child
Be willing to say "I'm sorry" when you are wrong. Children
appreciate genuine apologies as much as adults. There have been
times when I have yelled at my daughter for something minor,
because I was feeling tired, sick, or stressed. At those times, I
have to be responsible and apologize. I pull her onto my lap and
say, "Mommy is sorry. I made a mistake. Please forgive me. I love
you."
By using these L. E. A. D. E. R. principles, you will be well on
your way to discovering the leader in your child. By implementing
structure, discipline, and guidance you can help your child
develop into the person she was meant to be.
Lisa Davis serves as a Youth Leader at Calvary Church in St.
Louis, Missouri. Her professional experience includes speaking,
Bible instruction, and teaching in both public and private school
settings. Lisa has a B.S. in education from the University of
Missouri-Columbia and a Certificate of Completion in the
Extraordinary Woman program from the American Association of
Christian Counselors. She resides in St. Louis, Missouri with her
husband Michael and daughter Elisha.
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