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How to Be a Better Friend
Susie Michelle Cortright
Being a friend isn't just something that we do. It is a skill that
every one of us can learn and improve upon. Here are eight ways to be a
better friend.
Number One: Like Yourself The first step in having a good relationship
with a friend is to have a good relationship with yourself. When we
genuinely like ourselves, we become more attractive to other people. We
have more to offer others because we are not constantly focused on
our own image and reputation. We become better friends because we don't
cling. We are secure enough to spend time with a friend because we want
to, not because we need to. And relax - the journey to self-acceptance
is life long. Practice it in small steps along the way.
Number Two: Choose wisely Relationships among true friends take a
steady dose of time and energy - two resources in limited supply for
all of us. Identify the friends with whom you wish to create a closer
bond. It's perfectly okay if not all of your acquaintances make the
list. The closeness of your connections is far more important than the
length of your guest lists.
Number Three: Make the time Friends are important in many ways - so
much so that these relationships often take on a life of their own.
You owe it to yourself (and to your friends) to make these
relationships a priority. Carve out some quality time for one another.
Number Four: Make the first move This is where I have trouble, and I
know I'm not alone. If you want to improve your relationships, put
your fear of rejection aside and start taking more risks. Invite your
friends to lunch. Organize a new playgroup. Invite them over for
dinner. Too often, we fail to follow up with our friends. Don't miss
out-just make the first phone call. Your friends are just as anxious
to get together as you are.
Number Five: The Golden Rule Treat your friends as you wish to be
treated. Stated another way: "To have a friend, be a friend." Focus
more on being interested than on being interesting. Be enthusiastic
and energetic. Avoid complaining, gossiping, and criticizing.
Number Six: Sweat the Small Stuff Make your friends feel significant
by remembering small kindnesses. Notice her new haircut. Remember to
ask about her mother-in-law's surgery. Send flowers or a simple email
when you know she needs it most.
Number Seven: Listen Good listeners are hard to find, and honing your
skills can be a long-term project. A few tips: Slow down. Try not to
finish your friend's sentences. If you catch yourself planning your
response while your friend is still talking, gently remind yourself to
focus on the speaker. Show her you are listening. Maintain eye
contact. Offer nods and murmurs that indicate you understand her point
of view. Minimize distractions. Ask questions. Be careful with advice.
Assume your friend wants to just vent her frustrations, not ask you
for a plan of action. Avoid the phrase, "what you ought to do is..."
Offer your opinion only if your friend specifically asks for it (and
you believe she will benefit).
Number Eight: Be loyal We all need someone in our corner. If your
friend isn't there to defend herself against gossip or criticism,
speak up, and know she would do the same for you.
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of More Energy for Moms and the
publisher of Momscape.com - a website devoted to helping moms enjoy
motherhood. Visit her at
http://www.momscape.com . And go here to learn
how you can join her exclusive community, devoted to personal growth
for moms
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