Q: I have a relationship question: My ex-husband has been so atrocious, and
so difficult to get along with that now that I’m finally divorced – I
can’t even look at a man without thinking, "he’s probably a jerk, - all
men are jerks." I can’t help but feel that way – but I would like to
find a really great guy that could prove me wrong. What can I do to get so
lucky?
Ahhh, Love and Romance, Dating and Relationships!
A: I once had a relationship with a guy that when we broke up, I was proud of
myself for being up front and honest. I explained that I didn't see that the two
of us had a future, that I had met someone and I wanted to end our relationship
before I pursued another with someone else. I was feeling oh so secure in the
manner in which I handled the break up. Then I discovered he stole my money, my
antique coin collection, my credit cards and I found my self singing, "I
don't know why I love you like I do, after all the changes that you put me
through, you stole my money and my cigarettes,… take me to the river, wash me
down…." Al Green has had such a profound effect on my relationship woes.
After that one, I swore all men were jerks - and to my amazement they really
were – at least the one’s interested in me - a criminal, a pathological
liar, a Casanova, a crude heathen - shall I continue or am I vulnerable enough
here?
Dating tip #1: You will always get what you expect!
I use examples from my own life experiences to illustrate that it's not only
very difficult but virtually impossible to attract any quality partners when our
"thinking is so stinking!" First off, logic would make us ask - why
would a great, uplifting, supportive, considerate, kind, genuine guy want a
girlfriend that would be so quick to judge and classify him with all the other
"men" we quickly label as unacceptable male specimens? Then when we
get into the more definitive laws of nature, we have to acknowledge the
completely unbiased and never surrendering Law of Attraction. Jerry and Esther
Hicks in A New Beginnings II, say of the law of attraction - "that which is
likened unto itself is drawn." We get what we put our attention on and the
more we verbalize what jerks men can be – the more we invite jerks into our
lives.
Dating tip #2: Heal your past.
If we are to re-direct our point of attraction there are two things we can do
- forgiveness and appreciation. First, forgive your ex-husband, yourself and any
person in your life whom you have even the slightest resentment towards. The
only catch is that you must forgive wholly from your heart without any
begrudging, lingering resentment or expectation of any reciprocal effect. To
explain, there are two kinds of forgiveness, one cuttingly described by Oscar
Wilde when he said, " Always forgive your enemies. Nothing disturbs them
more." Although this kind of forgiveness may feel mischievously virtuous in
the moment it does not free you to attract what you are really wanting. The
second kind of forgiveness asks nothing in return except that you and your heart
be set free from the bondage of previous resentment.
An excellent exercise to process forgiveness is to write a letter and if the
letter cannot be sent – then mail it to the north pole, burn it or put it in a
bottle thrown to the sea – but let it go so you can close that door.
Relationship advice and Dating advice to live by:
Appreciation is king!
Now onto the act of royal appreciation… nothing feels better than pure
appreciation and nothing will assist you in attracting what you really want more
than appreciating everything and everyone in your life. In this state of
appreciation you become a magnet for love. To drive my point home, I’ve found
the perfect excerpt from Catherine Ponder’s book, The Dynamic Laws of
Prosperity, "…The time has come for you to realize that you should
express the desire for love – from within outward, toward God, yourself, and
your fellow man. A loving Father can do for you only what He can do through you.
It is through your own thoughts, feelings and expectations that love is born. As
you deliberately express love, it comes back to you multiplied."
Stand back and watch what happens as the most fabulous men around crawl out
of the woodwork to be in your positive, upbeat presence – and luck has nothing
to do with it!
